help!

oh! blogger works now.
oh well, toooo baaaddddd.
http://saltfrosted.livejournal.com

ha ha ha now i cant decide whether to move or just manage two journals.
life is so full of choices!

but i must tell dear jon:
sorry i used to think you were an animae-freak. OMG, cos i sure as hell understand now.

no pretending invovled.

so in love.

i'm jealous.

http://pic-tur-esque.blogspot.com

Caesar

Julius climbed the hill to address the men he had fought with for nine years in Gaul.
He knew hundreds by name,
and as he reached the crest and steadied himself against the base of the watchtower,
he saw familiar faces waiting for him to speak.
Did they know how weary he was?
He had shared the privations of the march and the battles across Gaul.
They had seen him push himself further than any of them,
going without sleep for days at a time until there was nothing left in him
but an iron will that kept him on his feet.

"I will not ask you to fight for Rome!" he roared out to them.
"What does Rome know of us here?
What does the Senate understand of what we are?
The merchants in their houses, the slaves, the builders,
and the whores have not been with us in our battles.
When i think of Rome, i cannot think of them, so far away.
My brothers are those i see before me."

The words came out easily in front of the legions.
He knew them all and a thin cheer began as they gazed up at the scarlet-cloaked figure.
He could not have explained the bond to a stanger,
but that had never been necessary.
They knew him for what he was.
They had seen him injured with them and exhanusted after a march.
Each man there had a memory of when he had spoken to them
that they treasured more than the silver coins they were paid.

"I will not ask you to fight this last time for Rome.
I will ask it for me," he said,
and they lifted their heads higher to hear him,
the cheering swelling in the ranks.

"Who dares to call themselves Rome while we live?
The city is just stone and marble without us.
We are is blood and its life.
We are its purpose."

"When our hearts and arms are tired, we go on," Julius roared at them.
"When our stomachs are emtpy and our mouths dry, we go on."
He paused again and smiled down at them.
"Now, gentlemen, we are professionals.
Shall we cut these bastard amatuers to pieces?"

They clashed their swords and shields together
and every throat bellowed their approval.

Conn Iggulden
Emperor

the death of kings

i was searching my room for my passport today
and guess what,
i stumbled upon some old unfinished diaries.
Naturally, i read every line in every page,
and i have come to the conclusion that -
i used to be so pathetically naive.

alright, maybe some traces of it still linger,
but goodness, i am so embarrassed of old me.

flashes of my life appeared and disappeared while i read on,
then reappeared again.
It was refreshing and amusing, yet painful.

to nobody's surprise, the name that begins with the letter J
popped out everywhere i looked.
some made me smile in reminiscence, and some others i had to look away.

then there was another J word, with seven letters - jepenga.
and neoprints that were stuck on to the pages.
Looking back, things used to be so simple, so carefree.
Life had only one straight path to walk down.
Now, there seem to be so many forks in the road.

making friends and losing them,
falling in love and breaking up,
laughing and weeping,
fighting and patching up,
studying and failing,
math and science,
rule breaking and uniforms,
exams
then graduation.

what does the future hold?
i'm guessing it's just gonna be a more complicated version of the same.

the same shit, on a different day.
surprise me.

Afrodisiac

Please take me by the hand
it's so cold out tonight.
I'll put blankets on the bed
I won't turn off the lights
just don't forget
to think about me
and i won't forget you.

Here's your valentine bouquet
of clumsy words,
a simple melody.

This world's an ugly place,
but you're
so beautiful
to me.

gray sky blues

It's been overcast
for more than
a week now.

Heavy clouds hang low
like a thick gray soup
boiling overhead.

I'm gray
through and through.
Even my thoughts are gray.

If i cut a finger
I'd bleed
gray blood.

No sign of sun.
No sign of blue sky.
No sign of you.

i don't know how to tell Dylan.

i used
to think i was
in love
with him.

But that
must have been
a different him.
Or maybe a different me.

Because
when i look at him now
i see a friend,
not a boyfriend.

And when he kisses me,
all i feel is
the overwhelming
overness of it.

//

When Dylan cried,
i felt way more powerful
than i wanted to feel.

I started crying too.
I couldnt help it.

And then we hugged each other
tighter than we ever had before,
knowing that we never would again.

//

We said we'd still be friends, but

Whenever Dylan sees me
he pretends he doesnt notice
and he tosses both his arms
around the nearest pretty girl.

Whenever i see Dylan
i kneel down to tie my shoelace
or start searching through my backpack
like i've lost my favourite pen.

When we can't avoid each other
Dylan acts so glad to see me --
only now he calls me sophie.
I'm not sapphire anymore.

where are you now

It isn't about having what i want,

it's about wanting what i've got.

And i've got you, jav.

I love you.